Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
