I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
