The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
