she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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