I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
