So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
