he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
