you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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