I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
