You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
