Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
