her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
