the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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