You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
