TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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