after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
