just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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