one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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