You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
