I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize