thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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