I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
