I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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