Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
