Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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