it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
