I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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