do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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