They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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