I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
