I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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