Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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