Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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