Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
