Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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