I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
