You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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