I forgot how hot balto sounded
vagina is talking i cant
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
