Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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