Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!

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  (708): i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES! http://tfl.nu/1ytt
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (1928)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.

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  (303): Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart. http://tfl.nu/j609
  Replies (8) Good night (1495) Bad night (4287)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

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  (712): He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded. http://tfl.nu/0j6f
  Replies (8) Good night (1722) Bad night (3436)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.

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  (571): Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was. http://tfl.nu/tmsm
  Replies (12) Good night (3166) Bad night (1453)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!

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  (814): she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!! http://tfl.nu/3a3w
  Replies (4) Good night (1235) Bad night (688)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

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  (845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n
  Replies (10) Good night (2623) Bad night (480)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.

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  (417): All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door. http://tfl.nu/d7kd
  Replies (6) Good night (753) Bad night (422)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.

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  (289): Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel. http://tfl.nu/rxj6
  Replies (8) Good night (921) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant

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  (914): Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant http://tfl.nu/t0nu
  Replies (1) Good night (1069) Bad night (345)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

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  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
  Replies (6) Good night (1918) Bad night (621)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!

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  (780): YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!! http://tfl.nu/6lp0
  Replies (3) Good night (679) Bad night (325)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.

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  (410): I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man. http://tfl.nu/n99f
  Replies (2) Good night (298) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  .,.,you might have to leave

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  (412): Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding. (1-412): .,.,you might have to leave http://tfl.nu/thv0
  Replies (2) Good night (360) Bad night (632)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

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  (904): Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday! http://tfl.nu/ki05
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (233)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year

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  (775): Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year http://tfl.nu/q4wn
  Replies (1) Good night (268) Bad night (392)

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