I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.