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Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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