Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing