Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

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  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2303) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  p.s. you have a small clit

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.

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  (417): p.s. you have a small clit (1-417): YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE. http://tfl.nu/402d
  Replies (45) Good night (1294) Bad night (4490)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4494) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'

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  (713): Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly' http://tfl.nu/5ixk
  Replies (5) Good night (3599) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'

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  (703): Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention' http://tfl.nu/1dne
  Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist

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  (615): Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist http://tfl.nu/58no
  Replies (8) Good night (1508) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?

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  (330): Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward? http://tfl.nu/hi7y
  Replies (11) Good night (2021) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  What kind of balloon animal was it?

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  (503): you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor. (1-503): What kind of balloon animal was it? http://tfl.nu/lyo1
  Replies (12) Good night (1999) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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  (858): I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again? http://tfl.nu/4q23
  Replies (4) Good night (1260) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.

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  (778): Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP. http://tfl.nu/dcb2
  Replies (4) Good night (1538) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.

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  (765): Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall. http://tfl.nu/m1i5
  Replies (6) Good night (695) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.

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  (605): I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now. http://tfl.nu/u9c0
  Replies (1) Good night (223) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.

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  (785): Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle. http://tfl.nu/joqk
  Replies (0) Good night (412) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I think weed is turning my hair brown

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  (216): I think weed is turning my hair brown http://tfl.nu/5mok
  Replies (6) Good night (285) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.

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  (541): I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith. http://tfl.nu/2rsg
  Replies (6) Good night (510) Bad night (218)

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