Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

(1-510): View more from California

It was probably Jesus.

(510): View more from California

I feel like he would have left a message.

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(510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x

Replies (36) Good night (4405) Bad night (714)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now

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(502): I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now http://tfl.nu/ys0t

Replies (10) Good night (2267) Bad night (1004)
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(585): View more from New York

She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.

(585): View more from New York

Aren't divorce parties fun?

(1-585): View more from New York

You and I have very different definitions of fun.

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(585): She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow. (585): Aren't divorce parties fun? (1-585): You and I have very different definitions of fun. http://tfl.nu/2zlr

Replies (5) Good night (1027) Bad night (2720)
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(541): View more from Oregon

at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking

(1-541): View more from Oregon

only in oregon

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(541): at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking (1-541): only in oregon http://tfl.nu/1bea

Replies (156) Good night (7485) Bad night (1023)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

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(865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it. http://tfl.nu/q5jx

Replies (38) Good night (842) Bad night (13825)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

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(740): Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level. http://tfl.nu/r4mw

Replies (21) Good night (4394) Bad night (727)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad

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(970): Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad http://tfl.nu/i5ms

Replies (30) Good night (912) Bad night (4370)
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(510): View more from California

i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

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(510): i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter. http://tfl.nu/xztf

Replies (33) Good night (1983) Bad night (5529)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

(478): View more from Georgia

I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

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(513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec

Replies (28) Good night (5835) Bad night (1193)
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(530): View more from California

dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often

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(530): dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often http://tfl.nu/lo0b

Replies (10) Good night (4449) Bad night (764)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.

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(704): He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that. http://tfl.nu/dgzr

Replies (6) Good night (1704) Bad night (1148)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face

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(780): I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face http://tfl.nu/u6bu

Replies (6) Good night (486) Bad night (1080)
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(301): View more from Maryland

When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?

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(301): When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off? http://tfl.nu/hj8l

Replies (4) Good night (930) Bad night (533)
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(810): View more from Michigan

So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

(989): View more from Michigan

this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

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(810): So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way. (989): this is the most serious roommate agreement ever http://tfl.nu/m5zb

Replies (5) Good night (1415) Bad night (283)
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?

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(509): I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right? http://tfl.nu/yvyh

Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (648)

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