I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They are going to name an STD after you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
