Nicole vs. Life
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face