I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.