Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
