It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
