Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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