im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
