Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
