I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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