We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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