A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I forget how to act sober