We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
