my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
