I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize