I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
