My hand turned me down
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
