And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
