My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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