you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
