here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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