I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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