Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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