The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
