Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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