but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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