She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
